If, by the time we reach an age at which we expected to feel content, whether its thirty, forty, or beyond, we are not living with purpose, meaning, and many real moments, we will find ourselves dissatisfied and unfulfilled. "Is this all there is?" we ask ourselves."
You can learn new things at any time in your life if you're willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you."
Giving Yourself Permission to Change
Marianne was an entrepreneur and mother of a young son who had worked very hard for many years building her business and her professional reputation. Both were in extremely good shape as Marianne entered midlife. But she was not. She was drained and exhausted and felt like a drone. She was still living in survival mode, though her circumstances had changed significantly over time.
I helped her update her sense of her situation: she was no longer living hand-to-mouth – she had a thriving, profitable business. In the privacy of the coaching conversation, she acknowledged that she was longing to work less than her usual 60-hour weeks in order to spend more time with her son, have more time to herself, and to not ALWAYS be in a hurry. Through our work together, she re-structured her business, hired help, modified her work schedule, and started taking a lot more time off – without decreasing profitability. Essentially, she modified her business model so that it required less of HER time.
I had her make these changes at a pace she could tolerate, respecting her own process and timing. She needed to move gradually, waiting to see the impact of one change before making the next one. After investing her heart and soul in building the business that supported her family, she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it in any way. So she moved forward in a way that allowed her to sleep at night.
Of course, YOU might want to make your changes more quickly. The heart of the matter is getting clear about what you want for herself at this stage of your life. Not all mid-lifers crave more time off from work, but many consider it, along with other huge potential changes as well. Why? Because at this stage, many people have outgrown some of the structures and patterns that worked for them over the last decade or so.
For example, some people want to stop running on adrenaline: they are done with that thrill and want to learn to be effective in a different way. Others feel a need to be more expressed: to bring more of their whole selves into all that they do in their professional and personal lives. Some people who have been behind-the-scenes helpers now want to become more visible in some way. The possibilities for change are unlimited. The salient question is what do you want? I can help you figure it out.
First there are hard questions to answer, such as, what’s not working? You may need to let go or renegotiate parts of it. As you clear some space, you will be able to tackle other questions, such as “What do I want the rest of my life to look like?” Then, the new chapters in your life can begin to open up to you. As a life coach, I can help you answer these questions.
Are you …
- Longing for more meaning?
- Worrying about significant relationships that seem stuck in a rut?
- Determined to make some changes, but you’re not sure what they are?
- Clear on what’s next for you and need some help pulling it all off?
- Unwilling to continue being owned by your work or your schedule?
- Yearning to do something in your life that you haven’t yet done?
- Feeling like it’s now or never for career advancement?
How I Can Help
You may have big things at stake for you now: marriage, career, relationships with children, life-long dreams as yet unfulfilled. The midlife conversation is a substantive one. This is a time when people resolve questions like “Whose life do I envy?” or “What’s my biggest fear?” or “What’s not OK in my life?” I know the material, both because I have been through several iterations of my own midlife journey, and because I have coached many people through this process.
I’m biased toward strengthening and enlivening what’s already in place rather than leaving it behind, though sometimes the latter is called for. If your marriage seems dead in the water, I am likely to refer you to a couples therapist, not a divorce attorney. Old dreams, too, can be brought back to life. At 54, I dusted off my old, discarded dream of completing an athletic endurance event, took up distance cycling, and rode the Pan Mass Challenge, a 2-day, 170 mile charity ride. If I can do that, who knows what you can do?
Free 30-minute Consultation
Are you feeling drained and burdened from having more questions than answers about what’s right for you? Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Take the step of setting up an exploratory phone meeting with me. You’ll know a lot more by the end of the call. Email me with a few times you could be available, and please include your time zone. I’ll get back to you.
Read what my clients say. Here is a sample:
I believe my work with you was a very significant factor in getting me to pay attention to myself and decide which changes I needed to make to have a new vision. It is hard for busy people involved in the demands of their day-to-day lives to stop and focus on what other choices they might make. I could not have done that process my myself. I’m not sure anyone can. It’s hard to believe so much has been accomplished in the last year, but the facts speak for themselves. My thanks to you for your skills, your talents, and your ongoing support.”
Attorney and Politician
Your support feels like you are solidly, irreversibly on my team. Working with you has helped me move toward the fuller, more expressive, more integrated, more joyful person I am: more sure, inspired, directed, focused, optimistic about the possibilities, more aware of things that can get in the way.”
My life is so expansive now. I truly feel that I have choices. I even own all the decisions I have made in the past. I am loving school - feel like a kid in a candy store. I feel like I am among “my people” when I am in class. I even look forward to my PB&J dinner in the car on Mondays. I'm still not sure how this will end up - but the direction feels very 'right.' I think about [my new interest] constantly - while I'm driving, while I'm exercising. It jumps out at me when I read the morning paper. I truly feel - at last! - that the arc of my life (thus far) "makes sense.”
Thanks to Sharon Teitelbaum, Personal Coach Extraordinaire, who planted the seed and fed and watered it lovingly and skillfully.”